Few Marriage Jokes !

1. Quote on a man’s T-shirt:

All women are devils...

But my wife is QUEEN of them!

2. Man was sent on earth to suffer...

Women was sent to make sure it happens!

3. A man asked for poison.

Chemist refused, since it required prescription.

He showed his Marriage Certificate.

4. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,

And other is husband!

5. Husband & Wife always compromise.

Husband always admits that he is wrong, and wife agrees with him.

6. Husband & wife had a long argument.

Wife concluded: See dear; do you want to WIN or be HAPPY?

7. A man speaks 25000 words daily,

a woman speaks 30000 words.

Problem starts when husband comes from office after finishing his 25000,

& wife starts her quota of 30000 words!

8. Boy: My dad is billionaire & 93-years old.

He will die soon. Will you marry me?

Girl: NO. A week later she became his step-mother.

Moral: Don’t give ideas to girls.

9. Two things in life are difficult to achieve:

(1) to plant your idea in someone’s head, &

(2) to plant somebody’s money in your pocket.

* He who succeeds in the 1st, we call him TEACHER;

* He who succeeds in the 2nd, we call him GOVERNMENT;

* The one who succeeds in both, we call WIFE; &

* The one who fails in both, we call HUSBAND!

10. Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It Means-Worries Invited For Ever...

Wife: No; it means- With Idiot For Ever !!!

11. No one teaches a volcano how to erupt...

No one teaches a tsunami how to arise…

No one teaches a hurricane how to sway around...

No one teaches a man how to choose a wife…

Natural Disasters just happen…!!!

12. Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia?

The mafia wants either or money or life...

The wives want both!

13. Searching these keywords on Google 'How to tackle wife?'

Google search result, 'Good day sir, Even we are searching'.

14. Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.

It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!

15. Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house for 5 years.

Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!

16. Whisky is a brilliant invention…

One double and you start feeling single again.

17. American: In India, do you guys call your wives ‘HONEY’ in your native language?

Indian: Oh no; we call them BEE-BEE… they sting twice as hard as HONEY BEE…

Husband and wife Costume Party !

A couple was invited to a masked costume Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his Batman costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She put on a Goldilocks costume. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on
the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he cuddle and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

 

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After some more to drink he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put her costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.

"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that Batman costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my Batman costume to My Dad. Apparently he had a whale of a time. He told me he got lucky with a  hottie in a Goldilocks outfit"

 

Moral of the story: Don't try to sneak up on your man !!!

Do Wives Love their Husbands?

 There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, ‘How many of you love your husbands?’

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, ‘When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?’

Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn’t remember. The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text: "I love you, sweetheart."

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who is this ???
2. Ah, mother of my children, are you sick ?
3. I love you too !!
4. What now ? Did you crash the car again ?
5. I don’t understand what you mean ?
6. What did you do now? I won’t forgive you this time !
7. What the hell?!?
8. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I asked you not to drink anymore. I’ll leave if you are tired of me !